4. Dee: “Things I wish I’d known when my sister was in suicidal crisis”

When I was in my final year at high school, my younger sister went through a number of suicidal crises. It was a difficult time for my whole family. Looking back on this time now, there are four things that I wish I’d known at the time, which may have helped me better support her (and myself) through it.

1) I wasn’t expected to know how to help her on my own

I remember when my sister came to me and told me that she was in crisis I felt very unprepared to help. I worried that I was betraying her confidence by reaching out to others for guidance and help. I know now that it’s important in these situations to speak with a trusted adult who can help to make a plan of what to do next, or who to speak with. Speaking to a trusted adult about my sister helped ensured that she was able to access support and professional services she needed.

2) My struggles were still valid

I’d compared my sisters struggles to my own and thought that my struggles weren’t as important. I realise now that this isn’t true — you aren’t less hungry because there are starving people in the world. Everyone’s struggles are valid and it’s important that we look after ourselves and get help. I put off getting help for my mental ill health for many years because comparatively there ‘wasn’t anything wrong with me’, but now that I have gone to therapy, I just wish I’d done it sooner.

3) There were many people around who wanted me to be okay too

I remember one of my teachers asking if I was okay, she said that she’d noticed I’d been struggling and was worried about me. This was the first time that anyone had asked me how I was doing. I remember this conversation vividly, as it was the first time I felt like someone cared about me. On reflection, she was not the only person that had cared about me, but other people didn’t always know how to ask if I was okay. I now prioritise reaching out to people when I need support rather than struggling to hold it all in, and reaching out to people to check in with how they are doing since many of us just don’t share this openly.

4) Things can get better

By reaching out to family and friends, getting the right treatment (therapy and/or meds), and giving yourself the time and chance to grow, many people come out the other side of a suicide crisis and live normal lives. When my sister was in the depths of a suicide crisis it was hard to imagine a time when it wouldn’t be like that. However, my sister has gone on to buy a home, finish a Uni degree, has two adorable pet dogs and is getting married next year. Obviously, we can’t control the outcome of another person’s fate, but what we can do is continue to be the best sibling you can, showing love and support, and encouraging them to access professional help.

If anyone reading this is currently in a suicide crisis, I encourage you to reach out to people around you (such as your siblings or family). I am glad that my sister reached out to me for help.