5. Self-care: why do we need instructions on how to look after ourselves?

Life is full of challenges. We’re less able to handle the stresses that come our way when we’re drained of physical, mental, and emotional energy. Or, put in a more positive way, we’re more resilient and more able to handle life’s stress — and assist others — when we are feeling our best both physically and emotionally.

Self-care is about deliberately and consciously taking care of your mind, body, and emotional wellbeing. It is any action or behaviour that helps you avoid health problems. Self-care needs to be practiced and maintained so that we can prevent reaching burn-out and crisis. The problem is, self-care is often ignored and is the first thing that gets sacrificed when life is busy and stressful. So it’s fair to say that most of us probably aren’t engaging in enough self-care.

While it might seem second nature to some, a lot of people need to be taught how to care for themselves. Particularly if you’ve grown up in a home where self-sacrifice and subjugation was expected or glorified (e.g., the ‘perfect mother’ archetype). We may not even realise how often we ignore and deny ourselves — sometimes this is necessary (it’s probably not ideal to eat all the cake) but often it’s in the service of others: our partners, children, parents, friends, our employer…

So now what? I’m not going to list a bunch of healthy things you should do for self-care — the internet is full of this. Instead, have a go at this 30-second practice:

Find a quiet, safe space, close your eyes, take a slow deep breath, put your hand over your heart, and ask your inner child/your soul/ whatever you connect with deep within yourself, “what do you need right now?”.

It’s okay if you don’t get a response at first but initiating this dialogue is a great start, and so is noticing all of the things people around you choose to do for self-care (or not). Knowing what your body and soul need at any point in time can be difficult, so be kind to yourself. The more you practice this the more in tune you will become.

A final note: Self-care isn’t always an action or behaviour, it can also be going inward; recognition or validation for how you’re feeling in that moment perhaps. Maybe the most caring thing you can do for yourself right now isn’t to go for a hike but to offer yourself a bit of self-compassion when feeling those unpleasant feelings.